Share a little

Trying to get folks to talk about themselves - in print or in person - is like pulling teeth: painful for everyone.

First, reactions tend to be ‘oh that’s too personal’ and thus general and vague statements are made. “I’m interested in reading and sports.”

Second, people stick to the facts and leave out the abstract which is by far the more interesting. “I’m 36 years old and I work in Finance.” booo-ooring

If someone asked you for your favourite restaurant and you said “Oh, there are too many good ones to name...” That might be true, but it’s not a conversation starter.

When you talk about yourself in any medium or situation, you’re not trying to give chapter and verse on who you are. You are trying to start a conversation. You are trying to prompt an interest in what else you might have to say and increase your chances of finding mutual points of reference. Unfortunately, mostly what we see is folks shutting down conversation by keeping it impersonal and arm’s length.

That’s the point: We don’t need to factualize and flatten our identity. We can offer a glimpse inside us to open a conversation.

You are not a product to be evaluated by a label (do you wear your resume on the back of your jacket?). We thrive in relationships and connections. We need to cultivate them. That means sharing in order to receive.

Undivided

Someone asked me this weekend what qualities I find intriguing in people. My mind immediately went to “you mean those I’d be friends with? those I’d date? those I’d want to learn with?”

We often divide our world - creating different sets of behaviours and expectations in each place. I find myself fragmented as a result of having to cordon off each segment. It’s perfectly normal behaviour but I want to deliberately make a more seamless community.

If I can flow through the various demands and folks in my network with an understanding of how it all fits together, it implies an understanding of myself and my contributions. For example, while I may still be the shopaholic only with my friends, I choose to be a connector in all areas.

Being true to my values, choosing my options rather than letting habit dictate my actions, and acknowledging my strengths/limits is a life deliberately lead.

So focusing across all the area of my life - someone would be intriguing to me if they:
• Appreciate the here and now even while looking towards the future
• Take responsibility - are deliberate vs. being guided by habit
• Seek learning - are fearless about asking questions
• Laugh, a lot

It’s not easy to do the list above at work on a crazy day. It’s really hard to do it when someone I care about is finding me tiresome. It’s exhilarating to do it during an ‘ah ha!’ moment and the options open.

Fridays

Today I wish you 10 minutes of peace - to remember, to dream, to share or to nap. We all work so hard to do things 'right' when we already do just fine.