The Large Event – stepping into the room

So you’ve prepped. And planned. And now you’ve walked through the door.

For all your pep talk, it still looks like a wall of people who all seem better at networking than you do. Pshaw! They don’t do any better – they simply hide their discomfort.

Your practiced introduction now seems falsely hearty? Your teeth feel gummy? You feel like you’re in gr. 3 and the entire recess playground is involved in a fun game except you?

Deep breath. Ask yourself: What’s the worst thing that could happen? And if it did, what could be done about it?
(more planning I know, with you on the threshold of the event)

See someone you know? Start there. Just don’t stay there and hide with them. Or, better yet, get them to circulate around the room with you. It’s almost enjoyable to introduce someone else as your excuse to meet folks.

See someone standing alone? Start there. They’re probably feeling like a wall flower too.

Sometimes I stand on the side for a few minutes to observe. Who is animated when they talk and might be interesting to meet? Who is laughing? Who looks like they need rescuing?

Yes, it feels artificial. It is. The genuineness comes not with changing the situation, but in how you handle it. Like a dance, you step into the pattern and add your moves.

Too much information, too many tasks

“Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.”
Gertrude Stein

It’s true. We’re overwhelmed daily. From remembering a multitude of passwords to the errands and tasks that fill up our working and home lives, we juggle thoughts like so many plates that sometimes fall to the ground.

I have a dear friend who uses his shower time as ‘thinking time’. Another plots on her daily train ride. I read murder mysteries and marvel at the insights into human nature to help me navigate elsewhere (not all characters are murderers).

But either we’re so busy Doing - or busier Thinking - that the ability to instinctively, easily walk through a task can be lost. We talk AT each other. We distrust the simple. We don’t have time to listen to our inner voice, our common sense.

When I’m tired I just follow these guidelines:
• It doesn’t have to be complicated.
• It can wait till later unless a life/livelihood is at stake.
• Listen before responding.
• Don’t jump to a solution.
• Assure the person in front of you that you’re there with them.

And often problems resolve, people stop spinning, and the obvious, sensible solution presents itself.

Managing is Like Parenting

The scene: a teen who won’t get up on his own for school. The parent standing outside the bedroom yelling, “Are you up? Get up! You’ll be late again!”

Depending on how long this scenario has been playing out at this house, the parent might be red in the face or weary and the teen oblivious or sulky.

Off the teen goes to school complaining. “Man, my parents suck. They don’t get me. They aren’t helping me. They don’t understand.”

(the parent is … if they are like me… whimpering quietly in a corner at work not wanting to go home and start phase II “Do you have homework? Is it done? Did you talk to your teacher?” *sob*)

You’ve tried everything – pleading, punishing, reasoning… nothing works. Why?

Because folks can only motivate themselves.

We become 15 years old at work. I don’t know why and I’m no exception. We expect our managers to support and build our careers and reputations. We complain if we don’t like things. We roll our eyes at the photocopier when peers ask “How’s it going?”.

Uh huh.

So here’s what I did. I now ignore my teen in the morning. It took about two weeks till he realized I really wasn’t going to wake him up – that it is his responsibility. It’s not a big one and I don’t know why I wasn’t giving it up sooner. I am no longer screaming like a wild woman as my first act of the day. And my kid now is very proud of owning his mornings (yes, not only does he get up, he gets up on time!). I bet my neighbours like the new regime too.

I also now tell folks that they own their careers. I’ll offer to share the tools at my disposal but if they don’t want to do the work or the planning, their advancement/development/satisfaction is solely their problem.

Managers can coach. Managers can help. Managers are part of the solution - but not the entire pathway to the resolution.