Discomfort

Thank you for all the email and the comments left here! I really appreciate the points of the view and the questions.

Sometimes, a theme emerges; all the email I've received this week was about discomfort.

Mostly, folks start a conversation with me with a goal of "how do I do X?" They first approach networking and mentoring as a project with a set list of tasks. (You've all heard me rant, and will again, about how this is not a task-oriented process or a transactional approach, and personal style as a driving force).

I got excited this week - the conversation seems to have evolved to "I know what to do but how do I get past my discomfort?" (Mentors, note the posting from Sept26)

So here's a few statements around discomfort - what do you think?

• Discomfort with change doesn’t make change go away.
• Discomfort and dissatisfaction are not the same thing.
• Discomfort with a task or plan or idea doesn’t make that task or plan or idea any less worthwhile.
• Discomfort with your job doesn’t always mean you should change the job.
• Discomfort with networking is an excuse, not a reason, to avoid it.
• Discomfort is a great place to start an exploration of your career, your perceptions or your style.
• Discomfort with yourself doesn’t make change go away.

Are Women More Reflective than Men?

I don’t mean in terms of reflecting light (haha) but in regards to wanting to think things through before moving forward.

I see a lot of support around helping women network or mentor but not as much for men. Is that because men as a group aren’t in vogue (having held the spotlight for so long)? Or because men are comfortable mentoring and networking even if it’s untutored or unrecognized?

I get a lot of men asking if they could come talk to me about those two subjects. But never publicly. And never as a group.

I do believe women are really great at pulling together a group - what I call being able to call together the kitchen table. They can create and foster a gathering where everyone feels supported and supportive and great discussion can occur.

I’m generalizing of course. I’ve certainly met my share of women at whose “kitchen table” I’d be afraid to ask for water.

Yet this innate ability to create an interactive table fails women when they put the word ‘networking’ in front of it. Men are comfortable networking but (again generalizing) hesitate at hosting a intimate and interactive gathering.

Is there really a gender gap on this issue?

Peer to Peer - each other's best resource

I started with this as my basic concept. I talk about peer to peer so much that I can't believe I haven’t blogged about it in all these months. Like the foundation of a building, I've taken it for granted that we all stand on it.

How did I figure peer to peer (P2P) as the most successful way to approach building a personal community?

I asked myself: what are women great at doing? Building communities - personal communities that incorporate the private and the professional, the intimate and the public.

How? By gathering family, friends and neighbours co-workers around the table and hosting a conversation. Call it the kitchen table, the conference table or the patio - we’re great at getting folks talking and sharing.

We’re natural facilitators - giving as much as we receive. Making folks comfortable. Encouraging conversation and debate.

The same tools that make us good as facilitators should make us natural networkers. We’re always doing networking when we gather a table.

Let’s call this ability to gather a table: peer to peer (P2P) networking.

P2P simply put is about creating the various tables and circles of folks with whom you share information, successes, failures and questions.

It’s folks of your level (social, professional – choose the designation) with whom you can debate the questions.

The P2P hierarchy isn’t traditional – it’s not based on position, title or industry. It is experience to experience. Body of knowledge to body of knowledge. Everyone has something to contribute. There is no supplicant in this equation.

Life is collaborative. We come together in changing roles (manager, expert, guest, etc.) - by project or event - and learn from each other all the time: experienced manager sharing with the expert, new career sharing with the person who already reinvented themselves, someone finishing a process with someone just starting.

A team meeting, a barbeque, a golf 4some, a brainstorming session with your trusted peers - all ripe for P2P networking.

Networking happens all the time by this definition. Every meeting, every time you stand in a line up for coffee, every elevator ride is ripe to make a connection and share information.

Remember - networking isn’t a single event - it’s a process.

P2P networking you can start today. You can offer and you can receive support and advice - you can ask questions - you can simply meet people with no agenda other than asking yourself - would I sit at this person’s table?

It’s a building personal community.