Holding back from speaking

The best advice I ever got from a mentor was "Before you open your mouth, ask yourself: Does anyone in this room need to know that I know that?"

It's a difficult question to ask yourself. We work in a culture where staying silent is not often viewed as a viable way to demonstrate competency. The problem is that the noise of chiming in has gotten so loud that it might be time to become selective with our contributions.

Listen to other folks and wonder if they're sharing from passion, from need or simply to show they thought of the same idea/concept/angle and don't want to be seen as left out.

I try to ask myself "Who really needs to know this?" "Why do I need to share this?" "What happens if I don't say anything on this topic?" Sometimes I even sit in meetings with my hand over my mouth.

It is ok to speak up for any of the reasons above - as long as it is by choice and not by habit of chiming in.

Keep in mind....Part listening skills, part personal brand, staying silent can be a powerful choice. 

Speaking up

"I'm over trying to find the 'adorable' way to state my opinion."

Jennifer Lawrence's open letter about being paid less than her male co-stars has been making the news and rounds of blogs for the last few days. It's not a new observation - not the paid less bit nor the how to say strong things in palatable ways.

Saying "no"... asking for more... negotiating change.. offering an unpopular view... these are not things for which anyone should be silenced. Diversity needs to be seen in word and deed, not just team assignments.

We often focus on why it's hard to speak up, how as women we hold ourselves back. All true. We also need a conversation around why the other side of the table won't listen, why control is tied to power and money and thus shuts down new ideas and challenges to status quo.

There's no one way through the quagmire but certainly the route that ends up back at the start line is the one where we say nothing.

Saying nothing is a bigger failure than speaking up and not being heard.

I recently tried to speak up myself and was told to be accepting and 'grateful' .  I am/was grateful... I was trying to negotiate before accepting. I'm still not sure if I did not speak up appropriately or was simply not taken at face value. Of course, I critique myself first. (My sponsors questioned if I actually spoke up and then I critiqued myself wondering if I had just rolled over as assumed. A slippery slope... I did speak up; was shut down and will find a new opportunity to re-open the conversation.)