Setting up the mentoring meetings

Sometimes a "how to" helps. After all the discussions around style, preference and comfort levels, eventually you have to book the party room and set the menu.

So assuming you've found a mentor and are now ready to make the most of the precious hours you'll have together, here's a few thoughts around how to organize the time in general.

• Establish that you drive the agenda. It's your career, your questions and your party :-)
• Have an open discussion in the first meeting to ask each other: what do you each want to accomplish per session? How often to meet? What contact between meetings?
• Set time at the beginning of each meeting to establish your goals for the mentoring period
• Set more time in the first meeting to discuss
• Set shorter time in subquent meeting to review - what are the milestones each month? how are things progressing?
• Review your long-term career goals - either that you've drafted them or that you're hoping your mentor will help you figure them out
• Bring a personal value statement /philosophy on leadership (what topics will you need to explore together to finalize that statement?)
• Explore two "pins in the map" of where you see yourself in 10 years ... one if you continue on your current path and one if you took a big leap of faith
• Create an action plan of how you might get to either pin
• Work together to think about what kinds of introductions you require to fill out your network to support your plans
• Explore the types of roles and challenges you should consider that will build /strengthen your skills - keeping the focus on what you love to do

If you're particularly worried about how to come across effectively at the very first meeting, there are many sites out there that outline the first meeting well. Here's a few I've used but feel free to find more.
https://dhsmentoring.dhs.gov/BestPractices.asp
http://pcaddick.com/page11.html
http://www.mentors.ca/mentorpartnertips.html
http://triec.mentoringsoftware.com/getting_started/your_first_meeting

Whether your mentor is experienced or new to mentoring, remember: this is about you. It's a journey you'll go on together. New or experienced, good mentors all will go with your flow so you'll get out what you're willing to put in :-) 

What does it mean to learn?

Are you a continuous learner? What does it mean to learn?

• Investing in a new/deeper skill you can immediately apply?
• Finding a question for which you will have fun searching for an answer (if one exists)?
• Keeping an open mind?
• Taking courses?
• Asking "why"?
• Asking "how"?
• Asking "how come"?

Is the desire to learn equivalent to the act of learning?

I'm not sure that folks truly want to learn. Learning, to me, implies open a door to the unknown and being prepared to change things or have them change you as a result. That potential scale of unleashed change can be terrifying - especially if applied every day. Learning implies change. Most folks want to taste /try /explore something new or unknown and then bring it back to the familiar.

Should we want continous learning and change? Status quo is the birthplace of measurement, comfort, process and other words that bring order and stability. Change is innovation, surprises and creativity that mean uncertainty.

I'm all for continuous improvement - that space between status quo and change where things shift but in familiar patterns. I live my personal life in chaos and creativity while my professional work is dedicated to helping folks through change to stability.

I believe our North American educational system is not based on how our brains actually take in information. I'm not sure we really know what we are asking when we reach for "learning"... possibly the place to start is simply having the conversation and asking: What does it mean to you to learn?

Parenting & mentoring parallels

I was asked what my philosophies on raising a kid were like. After I tossed the out the requisite jokes:

• Say loudly in public spaces when out with your kid: "Well, that's a quarter I owe your therapy jar!"
• Wave his unmentionables out the window when driving along a street where his friends live
• Stick to his childhood nickname even when he politely requests you use his real name
• Show pictures of him at 3 years of age, dressed (or not), to all potential girlfriends

and (my favourite)

• Immortalize his toilet training in your writing

I realized that, despite my best efforts to be on Child Services "most watched" list, my kid had taught me a lot about mentoring by not moving out at a tender age (or any age yet...).

• Parenting and mentoring are a mix of working through one's own issues and stories.
• What's a good story; a lesson to share; a moment I would repeat; an action I would change?
• A parent and a mentor must decide what kind of leadership and guidance style they believe in.
• Believe in and be willing to walk the talk. Good parenting is living and breathing a life philosophy even when it hurts. Mentoring gives the mentor a few extra breaths to take a break but mentors are still role models and eyes are often watching.
• Good parents and mentors ask:
• What do I stand for?
• What practices and beliefs do I want to embody?
• What does that mean day-to-day?
• We cannot parent or mentor effectively when tired, angry or sad. But we often do.
• A great parent or mentor walks their talk inspite of personal circumstance - not hiding thoughts and feelings but  being consistent in approach regardless and transparent in how to cope (or not).

We can't change how we were parented. We can change how we parent... and mentor...and the behaviours we request of our parents and mentors as our own self-awareness grows.

I hope my skills have evolved with my philosophy... I'm sure my mentorees and my kid will let me know...