A few guidelines so everyone feels their time has been valued:
- Seek advice only if you actually want it.
- Seek advice because you believe you need some, not because someone else feels you do.
- Seek advice when you’re prepared to try it.
- Seek advice from those who will also tell you what you are reluctant to hear.
- Seek advice for areas that truly hold your interest and from people you respect.
- Offer advice only if someone asks for it.
- Offer advice you are prepared to try yourself.
- Offer advice for which you are willing to help with its implementation.
Sometimes it's okay to just take advice from yourself. :-)
This is not about how to sugarcoat a "no." There are many posts on the web with advice like: use positive language; watch for your own negative reactions; delegate instead of outright refusal....
"No" is a useful word; there's nothing wrong with it. Just say "No;" it is okay!"No" is as ubiquitous as "um.." The real issue is that we are conditioned to think of "no" as meaning "maybe" because we often use the word to buy time, create space and consider options both at work and while parenting.
Knowing that folks won't take a straight 'no' as seriously as I'm offering it, here's how I annoy people into going to ask someone else.
Alternate scenarios for when "no" doesn't work @work:"Flattered that you think you need my help! What exactly do you believe I can contribute? Or does this just need an immediate warm body?" (I didn't say no, I just made it harder for them to dump and run. Unless they can answer the question and then I know I'm genuinely needed)"That sounds like something I don't know how to do. Will you be sitting with me while I do it?" (Same as above and I'm ok with looking out of my depth some times)"Excellent. I can do that in about 3 weeks. If you need it faster, you might have to find someone else?" (Either I'm the right person to do it or they just need a warm body...)"Sure, I can do that. X and X will go on hold till I'm done. Let me know if we have sign off to delay before I start?" (Seriously, this works)"No. I appreciate your need, I really do. I am not the right person/ timing is poor / etc." (Some days one just says "no"... without a but...)Any other good ideas out there?P.S. For a great perspective on how to use the word "no" effectively, start with Barbara Coloroso and her take on parenting with the word "no."
