Small changes; more choices

So - I've been in Newfoundland recently (thus had no idea that, once again, blogs were not posting...sorry!). It is a beautiful province - rocks, whales, cliffs, trails and a sense that one can take time and 'catch up'. I put away my Blackberry, used the iPad only to watch a movie/read a book and challenged myself to tell time by my hunger only.

And I watched folks in summer finery when I wasn't distracted by the greener scenery.

20+ years ago, no one would  have shown a bra strap (which made spaghetti strap tanks/dresses a more difficult option). Then Madonna made underwear into outerwear. And now bra straps of all colours and ilks peek from sleeveless garments across the land. It's marvellous! It is a 'hang up' no more!

15 years ago I taught a class where, in a film clip, an advertising executive stated "Hair colour? Ah, once we have you there, we have you for life!" (one of my grandmothers dyed her hair coal black till her 90s) Today, colouring one's hair is no longer a secret. Roots are a fact of life. Highlights, low lights, rinses and full out colour - it's all about choice for women and men. Even green or blue streaks are found across our country.

Bare legs. Ah. I remember one job working in front of a fast fryer where "all ladies must wear nylons" which melted against our legs with the grease spatters.

It's little changes that have created more choices for women. Things our daughters take for granted (as they should) - open toed sandals and green or purple nailpolish; public belly laughs and acknowledging that not only do women "glow" but we perspire! (heat wave anyone?)

My bra strap today is mandarin coloured, my toes are coral and my legs are bare so my new tattoo can heal better. These are my choices; thank you Madonna and all the women who continue to pave the way for more options.

Summertime

It's time. Time to break out the book, the chair, the cold drink, the beach shoes, the hiking pack...or whatever means summer to you.

It's especially time to have a long chat and reconnect with the most important person in your circle: you.

So kick back, out, or in - whatever works! - and give yourself some sunshine thoughts and a moment to breathe.

Networking and mentoring are best when part of a routine that includes: you.

Lenses

The only lens through which you can understand someone else is your own. Which is why it's often hard for us to understand or connect... but not impossible.

Building your network, connecting, making friends, soliciting champions, getting closer, understanding those who won't move closer... it's iterative and slow and often unfolds in unexpected ways. And yet, no one with a solid circles of companions and peers around them ever seems to complain :-)

Sometimes we wonder about the 'hidden' motivations of those around us when things aren't going well ... or assign not-so-nice motivations to those not supporting our efforts or style.  But really, we are simply attributing our own 'what-I'd-be-meaning-by-that-if- it-was-me' or even thinking the worst because we assume others think the worst of us.

Really, sometimes it is just the best the other person can do. The choice remains ours to keep trying, to explain, to decide to shrug it off or to actively retaliate to the perceived situation. But I always try to remember that, short of hiring a mind reader, I don't know why someone is not playing 'nice'. I can guess... but I don't know.

So maybe the anger or bitterness or just plain obtuseness has nothing to do with us personally. The only thing to do is make sure those filters are removed from our own lenses and choose how to move ahead. Our own motivations are the only ones that we can control.