Filters can keep us from connecting. If we’re so busy sorting and discarding information in mentoring conversations, then we are not actively listening.
Of course we will filter. But you don’t have to do it immediately. You can sit and think “ah, that’s an interesting point. I should ask why she is raising it.” instead of “Interesting that she thinks so but it doesn’t apply to me.”
Take notes instead of reacting and rebutting.
A sure sign you’re not really listening? Starting your response with “But”. Or forming your rebuttal in your head while the person continues to elaborate on their point.
Listening is hard – the hardest of the leadership skills to master. I will probably be very very old before I learn to stop interrupting when I get excited during a discussion.
You can at least acknowledge your filters and use them later, rather than during, a mentoring conversation.