I can; I can't

It all boils down to two drivers: Passion; and Fear.

We make all our decisions from either caring about the outcome or fearing thoughts of poor outcomes. 

Excitement, strong beliefs, joy or other compelling emotion create passion and let us charge past doubt. Fear can seem like shame, avoidance, worry or other overriding emotion that creates hesitation.

Learn a new skill out of genuine interest or because a job or rating is at stake? I may buy a house because it’s my dream to have a space I own or because, while I have no desire to fix my own toilet, I am worried that housing will grow out of my price reach as a renter. Driving defensively to avoid an accident is fear-based and a great decision. Inventing something is usually from passion and getting past one's inner critic.

Like money, neither motivator one is good/bad; it’s all in how and why they are applied.

The problem arises when the majority of our decisions/actions appear to be a result of fear-based reasoning. We dwell on the possible catastrophes or downsides and allow opportunities (small and large) to slip away.

This is why change feels much harder and larger than the actual step required of us. Asking for mentorship can feel huge. Building a network can feel very outside our comfort zone.

We will feel what we feel but we can choose how we act – always. The question I ask myself at every career decision - daily or big picture - is: Is my comfort zone the better place to rest or is my career/plan more important? Either choice is fine but it must be a choice.

As a mentor– help dig into the why/why not conversation. Help the choice be deliberate vs. emotional.

As a mentoree– ask yourself “what’s the worst that can happen?” Make a plan to address these potential (and possibly improbable outcomes). Often when we have a plan, we worry less and can move forward.

Gender Equality... seems the time is not now...

Gender equality looks at access to jobs, violence, harassment, economic security and educational opportunities as some of the issues holding women back. How can you help? Start with knowing that this is a global concern and not one woman is exempt. Then select your angle and create conversation.

In Canada, The Canadian Women's Foundation states "...our progress is at risk. Canada fell from 30th place to 35th place in the 2016 Global Gender Gap rankings by the World Economic Forum.

No matter what your gender, inequality affects you. And it costs Canadians billions of dollars every year. It’s estimated that promoting gender equality could add $150 billion to Canada’s GDP." 

The Status of Women in Canada, newly renamed Women and Gender Equality (WAGE Canada), has a report (see infographic excerpt below) that details where our government thinks we are.

We are aware of the setbacks women are facing in the USA today. Melinda Gates recently launched a new campaign around the fact it will currently take 208 years for women in the USA to achieve gender equality. https://equalitycantwait.evoke.org. It features a terrific video delivering one-liners from concerned comedians and urging us all to have a conversation on equality starting this week.

"Do men get paid more than women for the same job? Yes. But think about how much work we do. Not only do we have to pitch our own ideas, we also have to pitch our female co-workers' ideas moments after they said them."

Infographic: Women and Paid Work - Status of Women Canada

Unboxing

There's so many boxes out there. Some are necessary. Some just get in the way. I am amazed/amused/astounded by the boxes we put around ourselves.

We have boxes about what we will/won’t eat, the music we will/won’t listen to, the jobs we will/won’t aspire to, the people we will/won’t find interesting, etc etc etc.

Recently, I challenged myself - I also have a list of things that define me because I will/won’t do them. Some are carefully chosen and some are just from habit or discomfort. I broke a few of my own ‘rules’ yesterday (and suffered through the ‘what have I done?’ moments). I realized this morning that no one had even noticed the changes and the only real impact is that my world-view is a bit broader.

The thing about rules is you have to ask yourself “What’s the worst thing that could happen if I do/don’t do X?” You then state the feared outcome and ask “What will I do if that should happen?” Amazingly, potential outcomes are less terrifying when we take the time to think through our options in advance. Even more amazingly, friends will wonder what took you so long to make the leap in the first place.

A sample conversation with myself often goes something like:
“What is the worst thing that could happen if I talk to a stranger?”
“They’ll laugh at me”
“So then?”
“So then I’d tell them to stuff themselves.”
“What’s the next worst thing.”
“They’ll reject me with a cutting comment.”
“So then?”
“So then I’d tell them it was obvious I’d wasted my valuable time.”
and so on.

I’m always a little shocked at how easy it is to do reverse-psychology on oneself…

So I’ve challenged my habits a bit this week.
Terrified? a little.
Unboxed? getting there.

Plausible deniability = consensus

Consensus & collaboration… If we were hoping they were the buzz words of 2012, then the bad news is the conversation is as fierce and ongoing in 2019 as then.

Today, during a stimulating breakfast conversation with a wonderful woman, the topic was raised. "Grrr," I growled. "Consensus is another form of political correctness: needed in certain instances and a case of plausible deniability in others."

Plausible deniability is when a group uses consensus to reach a loose decision and then individuals feel free to distance themselves (in opinion or action) from the outcome of the meeting. It's lip service.  It's the equivalent of saying "Yes, that's what we agreed but not what I supported."

What does true collaboration look like in your world? How do you handle plausible deniability?