Comebacks I wish I'd said

For women, some interactions cry out for a snappy come-back or a withering look. It can be difficult to always have a snappy comeback ready. Here are a few to keep in our pockets:

"You're being too emotional."
Possible come back?  "Sorry, Mr. Spock; it's close to Pon Farr."

"They would listen to your ideas more if you were a man."
Possible come back?  "But then they'd find me unsuitable in a skirt."

"Women have to be ready to be called a bitch if they want to lead."

Possible come back?  "We can lead without a battle axe but, for you, I can make an exception."

"There's no glass ceiling."

Possible come back?  "There's no Santa Claus or Easter Bunny but yet the gifts come anyway."

"You shouldn't be so upfront about your career aspirations."

Possible come back?  "It takes the guesswork out of managing me."

"When you told us the story of that thing you did, it sounded like boasting."

Possible come back?  "Boasting is when I tell you how I learned to sky dive/ make French pastry / speak 12 languages better than you. Sharing accomplishments is like offering a taste of my chocolate bar - we both share a little sweetness."

"You shake hands like a man."

Possible come back?  "I bet you curtsey like a girl."

Be Specific and Do Homework

I have been hearing a lot that folks are often afraid of leading you on if they agree to a “coffee” because they assume "coffee" is code for "need a job."

Disguising a job hunt as a vague search for information can hurt you. Being vague in general when asking someone for their time does not help either. Be very specific about how someone can help you. Believe me, if folks like you, they’ll ask you if you’re interested in potential future gigs without you having to fish.

Be sincere, direct and open about what you want to make folks more comfortable about helping you.

1 - Is there a particular piece of an industry for which you’re seeking information? Identifying that will help you identify individuals to approach. Asking for a coffee for general or non-specific information can sound like you’re very junior and looking for an easy line into someone’s job file.

2 - “Seeking advice” ….on what? (on how to be better at a job, find accreditation, find a mentor, etc.?) These two words are often listed in requests for meeting but the meaning is vague.
FYI - “advice” vs. “advise” is a very common mistake in an email!

3 - Are there individuals in your industry you admire? Can you reach out to them? Can you tell them why you admire them and what their advice on those particular skills would mean to you?

4 - Are you targeting a specific industry for which you want to *whatever it is you do*? For example, a writer can write for technical, for government, for TV. Picking the industry to which you want to apply your talents would help. Your contacts might be able to least find folks who might know folks.

And, finally, don’t be lazy. Don’t call in personal favours for things you could first deal with by working with your mentor and/or plumbing the websites, meetings and events of related associations and organizations. We know how busy folks are - you can’t expect them to help you with this refining of your ask - spend some time thinking about it before sending the first email request for help.

Remember, good networkers you can call on for connections are Not headhunters, career counselors or matchmakers. You need to show the efforts you’re making on your own and be respectful everyone’s time. You are your best champion. Don’t push the responsibility into someone else’s hands unless you’re paying them (and even then!).

Further to discussing personal values within a mentoring relationship, value examination can be extended to our projects. Expanding our curiosity from the financial as a success criteria can create a stronger story and return on our investment of time/energy/focus/ resources. Beyond creating a broader context for evaluation, values can be measured.

Feel free to use these as guidelines:

1.     The project focus is important to the (external) customer today because…<FACT / DATA>

And will remain important upon its launch date of <X> because...

2.     The <project/product> requires these behaviour changes for the customer…

3.     Offering <project/product> requires these behavioural considerations internally…

  

4.     <project/product> is:
improving (adding to existing product/baseline… 
OR 
innovating (net new everything) 
OR
necessary upgrading…(baseline is outdated)

5.     To align with other projects,/products <project/product> need to … <actions, deadlines, owners, commitment to halt/regroup if not met>

6.     Project sponsor's most important duty is…because…

7.  If we received $100,000 extra, we would add… because… 

If we lost $100,00 we would scale back by… because…

8.  Complementary efforts in other business areas include… 
And can be tracked together by… 

Execution money could be shared by...

Values are the best drivers!

Networking for every day

Networking isn't hard. It's discipline which becomes habit. It also isn't relegated to events only. You are probably already networking and calling it something else.

Networking is simply connecting. How deep you wish to make a connection is up to you. Ample opportunities to connect appear every hour. You don't have to seize each one - you should be at least open to the possibilities presented.

And being mindful of the things below may not solve how to 'work a room' but it does make talking to strangers more of a regular occurrence in general.

It's all choice. It's things you do every day already..

1 - Everyday say “hello” to people - neighbours; their kids; co-workers; etc.

2 - After “hello,” listen to the response - sometimes even have a brief conversation.

3 - Make eye contact - even briefly - entering elevators; walking down the street; with store clerks - this can result in more of #1 - 10.

4 - Say “thank you” - to people holding doors; processing requests; bagging groceries; giving feedback; etc.

5 - Apologize - when a mistake is made; something forgotten; etc.

6 - Follow up on calls and emails - to acquaintances; friends; requests in or out; etc.

7 - Offer thoughts and perspective - offers of help; random compliments; timely critiques; etc.

8 - Keep calendars up-to-date and block time throughout the month for informal coffees and email catch up.

9 - Try not to rush in and out of every room, meeting and encounter - appear approachable.

10 - Keep a sense of humour.

The Hot Potato

The ‘hot potato’ was born about 23 years ago. I was attending one of those very packed, very loud industry events. People stood talking in small groups or lingering on the edges, trying to look engaged while knowing no one. Beyond flashing my bra or pushing into a crowd of strangers, I could not figure out how to get anyone’s attention. 

I grumbled in the corner. I grumbled through the week. I grumbled until someone asked me how I would solve this very typical networking dilemma.

I’d put one basic guideline in place: 

Networking events are not the place to hold long involved conversations.  

Events are a great place to discover if you want to have a longer conversation; Have the short one, then book the one/one time to do a private, expanded one and move on.

The premise  of Hot Potato is simple. 

·       It is a two (2) or three (3)-minute conversation with as many folks during the event as you want. 

·       You must then introduce the person with whom you are conversing to someone else: you “hot potato” them and move on. 

·       You never walk away from a conversation without first engaging your partner in a new one. 

Hot potato ensures you:

·       Are never trapped in a conversation 

·       Appear to be a masterful and smooth networker

·       Are able to meet a lot of folks

·       Are remembered as a considerate conversationalist

Introduce strangers. We are all there, wondering how to meet new people anyway. Wade right in! 

Introduce people to people you have just met and thoughtful and generous.

People will feel comfortable bringing folks back to you.

Imagine if we all played hot potato at events. No more standing on the edges. It would be expected to have introductions made and to ease in and out of conversations on a regular and comfortable basis.