Further to discussing personal values within a mentoring relationship, value examination can be extended to our projects. Expanding our curiosity from the financial as a success criteria can create a stronger story and return on our investment of time/energy/focus/ resources. Beyond creating a broader context for evaluation, values can be measured.

Feel free to use these as guidelines:

1.     The project focus is important to the (external) customer today because…<FACT / DATA>

And will remain important upon its launch date of <X> because...

2.     The <project/product> requires these behaviour changes for the customer…

3.     Offering <project/product> requires these behavioural considerations internally…

  

4.     <project/product> is:
improving (adding to existing product/baseline… 
OR 
innovating (net new everything) 
OR
necessary upgrading…(baseline is outdated)

5.     To align with other projects,/products <project/product> need to … <actions, deadlines, owners, commitment to halt/regroup if not met>

6.     Project sponsor's most important duty is…because…

7.  If we received $100,000 extra, we would add… because… 

If we lost $100,00 we would scale back by… because…

8.  Complementary efforts in other business areas include… 
And can be tracked together by… 

Execution money could be shared by...

Values are the best drivers!

Do you have these problems?

The news is carrying something like these articles every week... sometimes every day.

There is a problem, Houston....

In Canada, women earn 87 cents on the dollar - up 10 cents since 1981.

http://globalnews.ca/news/3558520/challenging-the-wage-gap-canadian-women-still-earn-less-than-men/

Sexual harassment is alive and well in North America.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/30/technology/women-entrepreneurs-speak-out-sexual-harassment.html?smid=fb-share

Technology is still not friendly to all women.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2017/04/why-is-silicon-valley-so-awful-to-women/517788/

These are not one-off occurrences. These situations may not be your personal situation but that doesn't mean they are not happening. 

We do not need to agree on the issues. We need to support each other's voices for the battles we choose to fight. How are you helping women get their voices heard?

Reposting: Mentoring vs Coaching - a manager's guide

This is a paper I presented at the International Mentoring Institute five years ago. I'm wondering if the conversation has moved ahead since I first published this...

--------------------------------------
First, let’s establish a common lexicon.

Many organizations will talk about mentoring and coaching without defining what they mean and use the two words interchangeably.

With mentoring and coaching as hot topics in today’s workplace, we run the risk of losing all meaning – much like the over-hyped word ‘green’ or the or the nonsensical, amorphous use of ‘cool’.

Look at some of the words we use when discussing either topic:
* intern / internship
* apprentice / apprenticeship
* placement
* protégée
* mentoree
* coach
* mentor
* advisor
* manage / manager
* network
* relationship management

Would you call a chicken a turkey? It’s important to highlight the distinctions in definition to many of these words.

Apprenticing: Every medieval church in Europe was built by apprentices. Today, Trump has made the apprentice concept famous with his TV show – you find a successful sponsor who will teach you everything they know and you follow in their footsteps till you either have their job or have enough ‘whatever’ to build your own path. It’s a method that has been around for hundreds of years and has produced some great artists and thinkers.

I lump in internships and placements here.

In this scenario, the sponsor/master/manager is accountable for the success (or not) of their assigned apprentice, intern or protégée. They may work them hard but tasks are dictated, paths are set for juniors and success or failure is a personal reflection on the sponsor.

This is also how most companies run their teams. The executive or manager is held directly accountable for the efforts, choices and success of their employees.

Mentoring, as I see it, puts the work and the success back on the mentoree. The mentoree owns their actions and decisions at all times. They choose – or don’t – to take the advice or challenges given by their mentor. They are answerable to no one but themselves on their progress. The mentoree sets the direction and the mentor guides. It is like an independent study at university.

Managing and coaching are what a supervisor or boss does; mentoring is what a mentor does.

So why does it continue to be used interchangeably in the workplace?

Two reasons:

1.      Cultural values of a workplace

2.      Lack of education around the topics

Cultural values:

There is, according to the newspapers, a “war for talent”. (Google yields 220,000,000 results in 0.23 seconds on that search phrase.) North American companies are competing for a shrinking pool of candidates and some are opting to promote their employee experience as superior. Many sources suggest that companies that offer and support such programs as diversity, mentoring and flexible options may succeed over those with more traditional work environments and approaches. Google itself is a success story in this regard.

However, a company’s first concern is not the long-term career aspirations of the individual but the company’s goals as delivered through projects, tasks and subject matter expertise. If the goals of both match, it is a bonus.

According to the US Department of Labor, the average worker changes careers three to five times. As well, a 2008 study by the US Department of Labor cites a person will change jobs every 4.1 years, making it seven to ten jobs across the multiple careers.

A company is not interested in supporting the individual through all those changes. A direct manager, even with genuine concern for supporting a worker to a promotion or new assignment, is first and foremost occupied with getting the current job or assignment done to the best of the employee’s abilities.

This can create uncertainty of where the mentoring relationship fits/does not fit in the workplace. Unfortunately, often the manager is asked to look at long-term “mentoring” – that is in direct opposition to the manager’s immediate performance needs.

Education:

Like the earlier word list, many words are used interchangeably without stopping to ascertain their meaning for any engaged party. (When you say “vanilla” do you mean “plain” or do you mean “the standard” or “Madagascar” or…)

Because both “mentoring” and “coaching” are common words we are used to hearing, managers and/or mentors need to reaffirm their use and definition when acting as either a manager or mentor.

This requires making another set of distinctions: How do you know if you need coaching or mentoring? What’s the difference?

First question to ask – are you looking for coaching on your current job/challenge or are you looking for mentoring on your ongoing development or career plan?

Mentoring is more about long-term solutions and expanded education. Coaching is often about an immediate issue that can be a specific/one-time question.

Mentoring is also about trust – you will stray into grey zones all the time as your relationship develops. An open conversation, while respecting boundaries of those not present, assumes a high level of disclosure. (It is like being under NDA every time someone says “of course this stays in this room”.)

Both a manager and mentor will create dialogue, encourage you and correct you. However, while both your manager at work and your mentor "coach" you - there are some differences in the approach.

1.
Your manager will clarify your existing job & accountabilities for you.
Your mentor will explore broad career options.

2.
Your manager will create objectives for your current assignments.
Your mentor will encourage self-reflection and learning goals.

3.
Your manager will teach with a desire to have good performance on their team and for their projects.
Your mentor will ask questions and share personal anecdotes around perceived barriers, challenges and fears with only your development in mind.

4.
Your manager will support personal & career development – usually inside your organization.
Your mentor will support personal & career development for anywhere you choose.

5.
Your manager will hold you accountable for following direction and achieving your objectives.
Your mentor will cheer you on, while pointing out when you are not being accountable to yourself.

6.
Your manager will assign actions.
Your mentor will suggest actions.

7.
Your manager will listen and escalate issues as they impact the team or project.
Your mentor will listen and keep information as confidential.

8.
Your relationship with your manager is fundamentally one of obligation, driven by your manager.
Your relationship with your mentor is fundamentally one of choice, driven by you.

Manager - coaching	Mentor - coaching
Clarify your existing job & accountabilities for you	Explore broad career options
Create objectives for your current assignments	Encourage self-reflection and goals
Teach to have good performance on their team and for their projects	Ask questions around perceived barriers with only your development in mind
Support personal & career development – usually inside your organization	Support personal & career development for anywhere you choose
Hold you accountable for following direction and achieving your objectives	Cheer you on, while pointing out when you are not being accountable to yourself
Assign actions	Suggest actions
Listen and escalate issues as they impact the team or project	Listen and keep information as confidential
Fundamentally one of obligation, driven by your manager	Fundamentally one of choice, driven by you

Most importantly, mentoring is not coaching for an immediate job issue. Mentoring doesn’t require lists of skills around which the workplace would like us to better ourselves. We are coached on workplace values by a manager. Career and personal self within that career is where a mentor comes in.

Yes, the workplace should get involved. The more who espouse personal growth and insight, the better. But it is not mandatory and no manager or company owns our careers; we do. No company owes us development; it is ours to seek for ourselves. We owe the companies the best of our current skill set. Both the individual and the company should be vested in growing the skills and leadership. It is up to the individual to set their path and hold themselves accountable for long-term growth.

Now the heart of both successful mentoring and excellent coaching is in the relationship. (I add the caveat that while you do not have to like your manager, you should like your mentor.)

Rodger Harding defined an “engaged mentor” as someone who will:

• Provide the mentee with opportunities, not specific outcomes
• Assist in the exploration of options, not necessarily solutions (a mentor does not teach)
• Explore and understand different perspectives strengths/weaknesses
• Respect and preserve unique mentee thinking, competencies and impact
• Accept value and priority differences (the ability to transcend personal or projected goals) as well as changing realities as the relationship progresses
• Work with uncertainty – mentors will not care more about outcomes than their mentees
• Understand that mentorship oftentimes only bears fruit in years to come – when the mentee is ready and able to fully absorb the mentor contribution

I believe mentoring is:

·        Building a community for others

·        Relationship-based

·        Collaborative

·        Fluid and inclusive

Like dating, mentoring relationships don't always work out.

Sometimes the chemistry just isn't there; the two people involved just don't "get" each other. Perhaps one party doesn't respect the other. Maybe things never get past that "awkward" phase. Maybe neither can agree on a definition of "success" or what actions are required to get there. Maybe someone is just looking to show up while the other expects a big effort.

That's okay.

You can learn something from a bad relationship and/or you can "break up" and find one that does work. We're human. This isn't a mechanical process. It requires trust and vulnerability.

Besides, you never know when something you said /offered /did will come around. Sometimes people just aren't ready to hear what you have to say but will find it valuable months later.

Be true to yourself. Be ready to do some work (on either side of the relationship). Be prepared to date a little until the right fit comes around.

There is another key difference in mentoring vs. coaching. A mentor should not be someone who is a direct or indirect reporting line with the mentoree. If there is a potential line, the issue of current performance and/or promotion can cross the line with the NDA/trust atmosphere one builds with a mentor. One must share fears and ideas but it becomes difficult if the mentor wears two hats and must chime in on a year-end bonus or promotion discussion. My own team knows my support for their individual career aspirations, as genuine and loud as it may be, must always come second to us delivering this quarter’s objectives.

Going outside your own company for a mentor can be a great advantage.
* There is no danger of having someone influence your career (promotions, raises evaluations, etc.) without your knowledge. Power should not be given lightly.
* You gain valuable exposure to how things work elsewhere
* It keeps everyone from being 'too close' to the problem/issue/question, so you gain fresh perspectives
* It offers different and sometimes broader resources and career exposure.

The downside is they might not see the nuances with which you are struggling. It does put more of an onus on you to be a better communicator in the relationship.

The blurred line perceived between the mentor and the day-to-day manager will not disappear overnight.

The words mentoring and coaching will remain for the foreseeable future:
1 - interchangeable
2 - undefined
3 - thrust upon the individual who enters a potential mentoring opportunity because they feel they must or that it’s politically savvy to do so

Mentoring and coaching are not the same effort by the same party. If we can start spreading the word then mentoring can fit into a work environment if definitions are established and reporting lines are not grey zones.

Education for the organizations, managers and mentors, is required for both coaching and mentoring to exist in the workplace.

Mentoring, coaching and keeping the two distinct means work for all parties. It will take time and effort. Mentoring is about the big picture, not coaching for the immediate job held. Mentoring doesn't even have to be about a job but a mindset – an exploration of a craft – a transition or an emergence. Being mentored includes taking accountability for one’s own career; it is for one’s own good. Being coached includes surrendering temporary accountability; it is primarily for the company’s good.

Coaching is about success today. Mentoring is about a relationship, choices and success tomorrow.

Tiresome & patronizing

The headline read "How Women Leaders Can Unlock their Potential." Wow. Does that imply a woman is leader because of her gender and now here's how she really needs to execute the role? Or that women leaders are only doing a half-@ssed job?

Have we not already unlocked our potential? Is it less that we are supposed to learn to perform better and more that we're seeking recognition for the efforts and further opportunities?

Why not comment on how we should dress down our sexuality and keep our legs crossed at all times?

Would there ever be a title "How Men Leaders Can Unlock their Potential?" Or "Asian Leaders..." ?Geez.

Linda Naiman's Whole Brain Thinking workshop

This week I am attending Linda Naiman's "Whole Brain Thinking: Cultivate 21st Century Creativity & Leadership" at Royal Roads U. It is a full two-day workshop examining creativity, neuroscience and the enterprise, starting with change at the personal level.

We started with the statement "If you always know everything, you never learn." It is challenging to seek out your own assumptions and biases at the best of times. When it comes to the personal space of creativity, where many feel insecure, emotional ties to ideas can run high. To then attempt to bring a holistic mindset of possibilities into an organization can seem like career suicide.

Yet disruptors - technology, visionary, social - mean the 21st century is a marketplace about possibilities. To not explore innovative and alternative ideas /mindsets /approaches is the real bringer-down-of-thrones.

I am not entirely sure what an enterprise model for innovation and creativity could look like from a practical standpoint. It will need to be begin with changing behaviours and expectations that imagination should be part of our job descriptions in every case /level /industry. Our concepts of R&D need to be challenged. We need a common lexicon. We might both say "blue" (innovation) and see different shades /meanings. The model will need buy-in at the top and bottom. It will require trust and autonomy. It will mean guidelines and not rules.

Just thinking about the possibilities is making me itch to figure it out!

10 steps for presentation nerves

1 - Breathe.

Really. Sounds simple but usually we hold our breathe when nervous. You’ll sometimes see me put my hand on my belly button when presenting to remind myself to breathe deeply.

2 – Smile.

Most folks are not looking for mistakes. They’re looking for you to succeed. They’re on your side.

3 – Look at their eyebrows.

Eyes are distracting. When you look at eyebrows it looks like you’re looking people in the eye but you’re not ;-)

4 – Take your time.

A 5 second pause feels like eons to the speaker but only a breath to the listener. Try it.

5 – Know who are your allies.

Look at them. See them smile and nod back at you.

6 – Know your material.

Feel confident in your idea even if you’re not confident in your speaking.

7 – Give yourself permission to not be perfect

It’s ok to stumble or say “I don’t know; I’ll get back to you”

8 – Plant both feet when speaking.

Stand like a tree, rooted.

9 – Practice. A lot.

Do your presentation in a mirror. Laugh with yourself. Enjoy it.

10 – Breathe.

Anyone have more to add?

Come back to earth once in a while

“They won’t understand; they are three times removed from the Mothership.”

This was a comment from a participant at a leadership workshop. She was pointing out, in her frustration, how often managers and executives float too far away in pursuit of a vision. The need to remain tied into the daily work necessary to keeping machinery oiled, and the mechanics necessary to do really successful project execution, are often overlooked in pursuit of the new and sexy.

“That executive no longer rides the bus.”

That was not a comment about the ‘special’ bus that makes the occasional stop for everyone. It was a reflection of the common references – the daily cultural influences – that are absorbed by reading subway posters, overhearing conversations or reading the dailies. This is a different view of the world around us than those who drive to work (or are driven). It’s not an incorrect view but it can create a divide in reference points.

“Our manager doesn’t know who we are or what we do.”

You can’t know everyone. I know I meet about 200 new folks a month and names escape me. But when your own team feels disconnected, it’s time to talk a walk /fly / call around the team. Host a coffee hour. Host a call. Host office hours where you are available for drop-ins.

We make an effort to connect with our friends, family and communities. Work is another network that needs care and feeding.

ILA Montreal - Friday

Friday came and went all too quickly.

It started with a wonderful presentation by Alice Eagly on re-framing the concept of the glass ceiling. Glass ceiling is deemed dated – reflecting only outside forces surrounding women in the workplace and not helping us examine those that come from within or even beside us.  I really enjoyed the exploration of gender roles vs. the typical leader stereotype and how neither view is helping either gender establish their real voice in the workplace.

I also learned a new word: agentic. I plan to use it in business meetings where everyone will nod sagely and yet no one will know what it means :-)

Then I attended a workshop on wise leadership. I suppose everyone has a different view on what makes a “workshop” but, in my opinion, it should include exploration by the audience for at least 1/3 of the discussion. Grumbling about the format aside, I did love how one presenter pointed out that leaders are not necessarily stupid…but they can be foolish!

I attended another workshop (where we did explore) on systems of leadership. It was fascinating to see that some folks in the room needed to be “right” more than they were willing to inhabit another viewpoint. The learning was less important to them than convincing others they had an answer. Fascinating to watch/listen!

Regardless of the presenters’ ability, strength of material or size of the session crowd – the real value of this conference became evident in the quality of the minds present and the strength of the discussions held in and around the sessions. The excitement as new ideas were found/challenged/merged was palpable in every room and at every break.

It was one of the few conferences where the evening discussions still focused on the themes of the presentations and not just on the social interactions /networking that also add value to these symposiums.

ILA Montreal - Thursday

More attendees. More choices. Yet, as one attendee remarked, a lot of similar content and repetition of presenters. There is a small hint of an "inner circle" and comfortable schools of thought.

None of that detracts from some stellar panels and papers. It does make my circle read the program more carefully and rethink some of our earlier choices.

Tonight's debrief at the bar (which was more about convenience at the hotel and less about the liquids) focused on the type of papers we would like to present. Theory needs to be balanced with practice - and not just the academic working world or the consultant world view, although those are fertile grounds for new thought and experimentation.

Today though saw some repackaging of decades old discoveries: that trust is a key leadership need for change adoption; online forums can't replace face to face relationships; women are not succeeding in the leadership space as well as men....

The forums are more competitive than collaborative; there is more emphasis on being "right" or 1st than there seems to be in driving to share knowledge across forums and institutions. Which is why my afternoon discussion, facilitated by Martha Miser of Aduro Consulting and Richard Warm from the Center for Wisdom in Leadership, was fascinating.  They truly opened the floor and a few minds.

Tomorrow, I think I will move away from the leadership theorists and listen to some issue-based material (gender, arts, interdisciplinary approaches). Plus there is a book room where I am sure more treasures and finds await!

Storytelling -part 1

Storytelling - if you google it - is the new leadership buzzword....which is terrific if one understands that 'spin' and 'story' do not necessarily have the same meaning.

While I'm very excited to be part of the Baruch College Symposium later this week, recently I had the priviledge of attending a storytelling workshop lead by Dan Yashinsky, a Canadian artist with a gift for bringing circles together. I watched as he found ways for people to connect more intuitively with their jobs by asking them to describe their job to a grandparent. Some folks struggled. Some made us laugh. However, the point was made: the mind needs hooks and sticky bits on which to fasten both understanding and emotion.

In a world bent on reducing things to facts - to save time, to be seemingly logical /rational /scientific - storytelling is like water in the desert; it allows us a place to explore both emotion and possibility. Storytelling can enhance critical thinking, build teams, create trust, enhance communication and allow for vulnerability.

Share a story with someone over a tea/coffee today?

Leading from any level

One of my role models just asked the question around what does leading from any level mean?

Leading from any level strips the restraints of hierachy away from the leadership concept. It asks folks to speak out from all their perspectives/experience/view points. It requires not just offering a good idea - but ownership of the idea and its execution. It's a collective approach to keeping the ball rolling.

It also is a clear message to women (or anyone feeling disempowered) that the opportunity is there to be seized.

I wonder though if there doesn't  need to be 2 conversations - one about leading a situation (project issue, niche idea, problem solving)... and one about leading in general - relationships, inspiration, big picture. I think women hesitate over both those aspects - and for different reasons.

Situations often stall due to lack of ownership - which is a form of leadership - someone who steps up and says "I will help and make sure this happens."  General leadership might entail no problem solving but gentle overall steering/cheering/mentoring and long-term guidance.

If leadership is personal, situational and an evolution - then folks need to understand what leadership means to them before they can take the 'permission' to do it from any level?

Interviews - the pre-screening

If you've ever been called to the Principal's Office... an interview feels much the same. You sit in a chair waiting for someone to see you who may, or may not, be swayed by what you have to say. You make sure your hair is brushed, your buttons are buttoned and your palms unsweaty.

Preparing for an interview happens well before the actual appointment. It starts with a well-crafted resume and is often preceded by a phone interview. Most folks are happy with hearing they have a phone interview and usually spend most of their effort convincing the interviewer to let them move to the next step. (at least, that's what I do :-)

I also use the pre-screening call to prepare for the 'big' interview and to ascertain that the company will fit me. It sounds pushy but it creates a more engaging conversation to do more than answer questions (a passive conversation). By having some questions of my own ready to roll, I can appear more interesting and more of a leader.

• First, I make sure I know my current skills for which I wish to be most known. Then, not only can I answer the question of "what skills do you think are your strengths" but I can ask "What skills are currently the hardest for your company to find?" "What is the most valued leadership trait in your organization?"
• I have an answer ready for "what do you want to be in 5 years"...just in case they ask. Then I ask "What's the company's philosophy on moving people around internally?"
• Then, depending on my connection (or not) with the phone interviewer, I may ask: "What's the one thing your company did this year that made you proud to work for them?" "What's your company's involvement around Women in Leadership?" "Are employees encouraged to blog either within the company or outside?"

You can google many ways to do a good pre-screening interview. Just add a few questions of your own and make it a two-way conversation; create a connection and stand out for your people skills.

I can't tell you how many times this month I have had to ask for a seat as I stand there with a bandage and cane on public transit. People visibly lower their heads in an effort not to see me.. or look about in a game of chicken to see who might cave first to my unreasonable demand. It is really hard for me to ask; I feel slightly ashamed of taking someone's seat.

This is not a rant about accessiblity or manners (though I am tempted). This is more a parable about how, even with an obvious "visible" need, folks hope I won't ask for help and I feel like I shouldn't.

Suppose I was working on a project and I was over my head. Would I ask for help? Would someone offer?

Collaboration is based on mutual support. Many groups have moved to consensus (which can be counterproductive) and implies no cross-support. Community is about collaboration; true collaboration implies one asks and offers help.

Our public transportation crowd may have forgotten how to play nice in community. Hopefully, we can discuss the  asking and offering of help in our mentoring circles and make it easier for everyone.

Compassion

The blog, Compassion in Business, wrote in a July post "Respect for each others abilities and support by acknowledging and encouraging each other creates synergy. Team management is about inspiring and encouraging enthusiasm and cooperation."

I had a conversation with an executive yesterday who said that inspiration and encouragement is the last thing he remembers to do… and yet it is the first thing he remembers when someone else does it with him.

I think that's true for many of us. As we careen from meeting to meeting, project to project, family to friend gathering, we arrive as a willing participant but sometimes a passive one as the day's obligations consume our energy. Even when we host the gathering, our attention is often on getting to the end and not always on wrapping our arms around those on the journey with us.

It is even more important as leader to see encouragement and support as a necessary part of the success of a project. It may be a given as parents and good friends but even there we can take our closest for granted.

While I'm a big supporter of the 'suck it up' school for some things (bathrooms must be cleaned, reports must be generated), offering sincere thanks along the way is good practice. For bigger efforts or changes, the language of appreciation should be found throughout the effort and at the end. From handwritten notes to public acknowledge to a quick call, folks will adopt new measures faster when their efforts are noted.

Compassion doesn't mean weakness - compassion is leadership.

Mentoring Misery

Sounds like a good title for a murder mystery.

Really, it's about the fad that seems to have taken over offices all over North America: "My job/boss/situation is worse than yours".

When I found myself playing this new game with my mentor - and having had a few weeks of it with mentorees - I shut down for a moment, trying to figure out how it became trendy to one-up each other with stories of misery.

We, men and women (but especially women), are losing any ability we once had to talk proudly and happily about our accomplishments (big/small/personal/professional) without feeling slightly shameful. Worse, it appears to be socially acceptable to compete - yes, compete - for the "most badly treated/unrecognized" prize. We seem to be taken pride in how well we cope with stupidity or unfairness instead of how we create change and positive ripples in our communities.

I would like to receive a phone - or three - this week with someone happy to share their own good news with no qualifying introduction or apology.

Leading in the misery competition is not leadership. Mentoring misery is not looking forward. I resolve to refrain from joining in the chorus of moans, pitching mine as a solo while others take another breath to continue. When I was growing up, my father used to call such situations "p*ssing contests." Well, every time - and I do mean every time - we should be grateful to let someone else win and remember the good things that also flow our way every day.

Shush!

The best advice I ever got from a mentor was "Before you open your mouth, ask yourself: does anyone in this room need to know that I know that?"

It's a difficult question to ask yourself. Listen to other folks and wonder if they're sharing from passion, from need or simply to show they thought of the same idea/concept/angle and don't want to be seen as left out.

I try to ask myself "Who really needs to know this?" "Why do I need to share this?" "What happens if I don't say anything on this topic?" Sometimes I even sit in meetings with my hand over my mouth.

It is ok to speak up for any of the reasons above - as long as it is by choice and not by habit of chiming in.

Keep in mind....Part listening skills, part personal brand, staying silent can be a powerful choice.

Thanks for the advice

At work yesterday, one woman turned to another and said "You know, you gave me really good advice last week."

We all stopped to listen. Some because they hoped the advice might be shared and still relevant. Some because the compliment, so easily said, resonated with so many.

How many times do we go back and thank our peers or mentors for the advice or the idea that worked? We always hear about what didn't work, the door that won't open. But circling back and letting someone know they helped encourages everyone to keep helping.

Help and support is at the heart of peer mentoring. It's not altruistic - it's practical. Like any good leadership behaviour, it's best fed and watered with encouragement and thoughtful choice.

Thanks to all of you who have helped me this week...as ever chocolate is on my desk for you.

Participate in today

A plan is always a good thing to have. I know how to get out of my house in fire. I know our budget for the year. I know the big themes of my department and the pieces to develop in support of seeing those themes come to life. I have a view to my career five years from now and where I'd like to be and how I might get there (possibly changing my mind along the way). A plan offers some control over coming events and how we'd like to influence the outcomes.

The other "plan" we all own exists in our daytimers and calendars. It's the way we book up our days/nights/weekends and hours/minutes. A month or quarter that starts as a blank slate often ends up filled with tasks and outings that we include as asked. Suddenly, you've only time for your best friend in six weeks time or a hair cut in month. Recently, I discovered my day was so tightly bound as to give me three minutes to run between buildings set 10 minutes apart (unless I run and some days I just don't feel like jogging through the sea of suits).

The overburdened calendars aren't so much a plan as they are a map of our time - one that isn't always deliberate and made with choice. This isn't planning; it's a takeover that can leave us feeling a distinct lack of control.

Good planning is not just about contingency and influence on the next month/year but being able to see what is happening today - to take the time to be present. If we're are able to create enough space in our minds and agendas to participate and evaluate what today might teach us, then we'll only get better at directing future outcomes.

It's a bit of a balancing act but to focus only ahead often has us lose too much in both the short and long-term. Appreciate the four-year old and not just the college student he will become. Honour the uncertainty of a new friend before rushing to fill the void with intimate information. Allow some questions and chaos before creating a solution for a project or problem.

I'm all for planning. (I'm told it's my main trait as a Libra :-)  But if listening and learning are also leadership skills, then we must be willing to let go of the agenda and participate some of the time in order to have better planning skills.