Thinking before speaking

There are two questions I ask myself before I start to speak at meetings:

1 - Does anyone really need to know that I know that?

2 - Have I established how we are "alike / like-minded" before I launch into how we are not alike?

The first question serves to still the inner voice that says things like: omg I just said that 20 minutes ago!... or …I know a better idea... or …I agree! Look at me! …or (my favourite) …How dumb are you??  We all know that voice even if yours isn’t as much like a teenager as mine. (thoughts on a 3 year-old’s voice having a tantrum in my head is for another post)

The second question is around establishing the relationship before I offer an idea/opinion. It allows for comfort for the other parties that I am trying to listen first vs. bulldoze and creates some trust by offering a context for me and my place in the dynamics of what we are trying to accomplish.

As I tell my mentorees, it doesn’t always work. Sometimes my inside voice gets out before I can slap a hand over its mouth. Sometimes folks will be determined to see everyone as on the opposite side of whatever is the issue. It’s always worth trying.

Sinéad's letter to Miley

The term “Rock On!” has never been so apt.  Warning, harsh language and strong sentiments….

Sinéad O’Connor’s open letter to Miley Cyrus

Passion vs. Fear

It all boils down to two drivers: Passion; and Fear.

We make all our decisions by being passionate about the outcome or because we are compelled by thoughts of worse outcomes.

Passion can take the form of excitement, strong belief, joy or other compelling emotion that lets you charge past doubt. Fear can seem like shame, avoidance, worry or other overriding emotion from your gut.

I’m going to learn a new skill because I’m genuinely interested or because my job or rating is at stake if I don’t. I may buy a house because it’s my dream to have a space I own or because, while I have no desire to fix my own toilet, I am worried that housing will slowly grow out of my price range as a renter.

Like money, neither motivator one is good/bad; it’s all in how and why they are applied. Driving defensively to avoid an accident is fear-based and a great decision.

Most of our decisions/actions appear to be a result of fear-based reasoning. This is often why change feels much harder and larger than the potential step required of us. Asking for mentorship can feel huge. Building a network can feel very outside our comfort zone.

We will feel what we feel but we can choose how we act – always.